I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
