you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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