And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
