I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its not stalking. its research.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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