The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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