Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
