so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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