Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
tell me about the eggs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
