I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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