It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
