Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
