He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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