Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
