so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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