porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
