the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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