i don't like sucking hair
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
