I need to stop coming to work sober
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she peed on how many people?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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