Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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