where am i from again
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
