I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
