dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
