I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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