before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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