Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I met the friendliest cop last night
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
