well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
