he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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