I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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