"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
