I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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