I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
