you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
