I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
