i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
