What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How's work?
Spinning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
