she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
