I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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