As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorry my hands just texted you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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