why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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