Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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