the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
