at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
