is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
