He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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