Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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