every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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