Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
