Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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