i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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