Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
